Monthly Archives: February 2012

My colleague, dear friend and hands down one of THE single best therapists I’ve ever known, Jason Williams, LMFT (www.associatedpsych.com) gives some great advice on how to teach your children how to handle bullies. Watch the interview here. Jason and I struggled through grad school together, commuted to and worked at Valley Mental Health together, presented many workshops together and began our dreams of private practice together. He’s a fine man and a gifted therapist. Enjoy.

Hey, I’m having a great day today, but somedays I just really have crap days… In case you’re having a crap day, take a moment to listen to “Proud of You” by witty, soulful and profound musician Chris Conway (chrisconway.org). It’s the 8th song on this playlist:

As you struggle remember what my dear colleague Julie Blanton always says, that “This too shall pass.” And also remember “T.T.T.”:

 T. T. T.
—Piet  Hein

Put up in a place
where it's easy to see
the cryptic admonishment
     T. T. T.

When you feel how depressingly
slowly you climb,
it's well to remember that
     Things Take Time.

Just hang in there, friend. You’re not done yet. Today doesn’t decide your tomorrow. I’m proud of you for just trying. Keep trying. You’ll get it. Really. Trust me.

Peace,

Jonathan

Domestic violence (DV) is a serious issue that affects many adults and children and it has a tremendous societal impact as well. While there is so much to be said and done about DV, which I won’t attempt to cover all here, I want to share the following with you to spread some awareness, share some info and give some ideas.

My Son Adam’s Eagle Scout Project: Women’s Shelter Supply Drive

For his Eagle Scout project my son is doing a supply drive for our local women’s shelter The Center for Women and Children in Crisis.

See his flyer here about the project and some facts and info about DV .

FREE Workshop: Broken Hearts: Ending Violence, Healing Our Truth

Tuesday, March 13th from 7:00-8:30 pm at the Chainbreaker Foundation

Details here.

10 Alarming Facts About How Domestic Violence Impacts Kids

See more here on the Makers of Memories site: Ten Alarming Domestic Violence Statistics

An interesting Facebook thread on DV

Some thoughts on the dynamics and over-lapping issues of divorcing parents, time-sharing, co-parenting, parental rights and domestic violence from a recent Facebook post and comments:

I posted the following on Facebook

Some of you know that I taught the Shared Parenting Class for Divorcing Parents for the State of Utah for over 10 years. Important class as it was designed to reduce conflict in divorce and increase cooperative parenting which has a much better impact on the children who sadly who are too caught in the middle.

Well, tomorrow Utah is voting on HB 107 to improve more shared parenting among fathers and mothers instead of just defaulting to mothers. I am very pro for this for most situations, especially as fathers over the past few decades are engaging more actively in their role as fathers (so glad to see that!). Just so long as women who are fleeing domestic violence/child abuse are fully protected. I know there are always exceptions where children may be better served with one parent over the other or actually out of the custody of either parent in extreme situations and I will always advocate against domestic violence and child abuse situations.

I counseled a woman STRONGLY to not move out of state with her new husband so that her children could have access to their father who was active in their lives (nurturing man, non-abusive). Sadly, she ignored that counsel and minimized how important their father was in their lives. That was 3 years ago and lots of unnecessary conflict and grief has since ensued with the children being the ones who pay the highest price.

For years I have advocated for time-sharing plans that allow the children to have access to both parents as much as possible rather than one parent “winning” the children.

HB 107 is coming up for vote tomorrow and I encourage you to look into it and do what you think best. You can call your Utah State Representative and insist they vote “Yes” for H.B. 107 sponsored by Representative Gage Froerer.

Thanks for listening.

One mother  commented:

When my kids dad and I divorced, we worked out a “nesting plan” where the kids would stay in place and we would go back and forth. That put the burden on us to communicate and to work together and it minimized the impact on our 5 kids.

My reply:

Wow, that’s wonderful! I’ve heard of families doing that and I have even encouraged that, however, few seem to have the maturity/civility to pull that off. Color me impressed. Good for you and good for your kids.

A domestic violence advocate brought up this important concern:

The Utah Domestic Violence Councils opposes this bill as it allows an abusive spouse to further control the victim through the court system. As far as I know, the bill as written does not protect a victim and the children in a domestic violence situation. It is also good to remember that many times, for many reasons, there are not police reports or other documentation of abuse so the courts may not acknowledge the abuse and therefore place kids in a dangerous situations. I am all for dad’s rights, but this bills need some major changes.

A father shared this:

I don’t see one post/website anywhere on the Internet that shows The Utah Domestic Violence Council opposes the bill. Would you be so kind as to provide that link? I’ve read H.B. 107. I’m a caring, loving parent that wants to protect not only my children, but create a better world for others as well. The fact is, HB 107 DOES NOT place kids in dangerous situations. It empowers the court to PRESUME joint custody, doesn’t force the Court to order it! It allows a parent/party, including the State, to rebut the presumption of joint custody in favor of sole custody. Here’s the link to H.B. 107, if there is a place where it puts kids in harms way please let me know. I don’t believe it does: http://le.utah.gov/~2012/bills/hbillint/hb0107.htm

Every anniversary Kara gets a new playlist on (back in the day, kiddies, we called them “mix tapes”) of songs I collect throughout the year that represent how I feel about my baby. I generally try to pick songs based on real committed love and not just cheesy love songs. I load these on CDs and we listen to them throughout our day date on our anniversary as we drive around and then she keeps them in her car to listen to throughout the year as she wants.

Here’s the playlist you can listen to in the background as you do your work today. I would love to hear your recommendations, too. Thanks.

Be sure to follow our 20th Anniversary Year-Long Celebration here.

GrooveShark didn’t have the following songs that are on Kara’s playlist that I highly recommend:

• Lovesong, Adele (the one above is a cover of her cover of The Cure’s original song)
• Things We Said Today, The Beatles
• Gold to Me, Ben Harper
• Me & You, Michael Reno Harrell

You know how business’ celebrate their 10th, 20th, etc anniversary of being in business all year long? Well, marriage and family is more important than any business so Kara and I decided today that we’re going to make our 20th Anniversary a Year-Long Celebration instead of just on our anniversary date itself and stretch it out throughout 2012 with various big and small celebrations, activities and parties. Woo hoo!

Not too shabby this… Kristian Anderson made this birthday video for his wife Rachel before he died of cancer. It went viral as did their story. I’ll let the vids tell their story better than I can…

I tip my hat to this wonderful couple who were in their short time in this life together truly GREAT Relationship Masters. Their reunion in the next life will be all the sweeter for both the joy and the suffering they experienced in this life. Peace and blessing to them.