FAQ

I often ask my clients, “What are you willing to do to make this work?” Frequently, and fortunately, the response is, “I’ll do whatever it takes.”

This is a great answer I love to hear from my clients. It predicts the directions we can take pretty quickly as it is a statement that we can test immediately.  Fortunately, most of my clients mean it when they say it and as a result most of them get incredible results. However, there are some who say it because it sounds good and/or they want to believe that about themselves. However, some people just say they will do “whatever it takes” to look good and as soon as the rubber meets the road they start complaining about:

• cost/investment,
• schedule and time,
• homework,
• practicing,
• the process vs. immediate results,
• their partner more than their own personal accountability,
• arguing with solutions provided rather than fully considering them before rejecting them.

This latter type of person, if not willing to be corrected, will quickly drop out of the work. As such, this type of doing “whatever” it takes translates into, “I’ll do whatever I’m comfortable doing but certainly not whatever it takes.”

I keep it simple and literal. Whatever means whatever it takes—time, money, energy, commitment, practice (practice, practice, practice) and perseverance.

So when I hear, “I’ll do whatever it takes to save my marriage,” I’ll reply, “Great because it will take a lot and we’ll be able to test the veracity of your word. I will hold you to that statement, which is your word, okay?”

• Study the best practices;
• Learn from the wisest and most experienced marriage and parenting mentors;
• Learn the best skills;
• Develop your skills;
• Practicing those skills. Over and over and over and over…and over. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat;
• Create maintenance routines;
• Use strategies to enhance your relationships on a regular basis;
• Brand, market and sell yourself daily to your key relationships;
• Bottom line: Put your money where your mouth is?

Then contact Jonathan at 801.787.8014 or Jonathan@MarriageEnvy.com to start creating your GREAT Relationship.

While MarriageEnvy.com is my flagship offering, it is by no means my whole armada. So, no, I don’t only work with married couples, though I specialize in that area. My background (see my vita) and training is in all aspects of  individual, couple and family work with children, teens and adults. I work with single, separated, divorced and remarrying clients. I work with people on developing self-mastery, mental health issues (depression, anxiety, etc), and addiction issues.

The focus of my marketing (and this website) is MarriageEnvy because I specialize in transforming marriages into the ones that everyone wants. To be able to help so many marriages from such a wide and varied background of personalities, circumstances and situations, as you can imagine I would need to have a broad background of expertise to be able to deal with anything that comes up in marriage situations from the the mild (communication, intimacy, step-family transitions and parenting issues) to the most severe (domestic violence, suicidality, affairs, child abuse, addiction, mental illness, etc). So many things impact the quality of marriage—especially our individual work with our own selves—that it is essential that the person you are working with (me) is well-versed in all key aspects of psychology and relationship dynamics.

I do Strategic Relationship Coaching. Use your coaching time as you desire to focus on Self-Mastery, Couples Work, Parent Training or Workplace Development or combine as needed as they inherently dovetail with each other: It’s all relationships.

1. Personal Living Packages address:

• • Marriage Mastery,
  • Parent Training and
  • Self-Mastery

1. Corporate Living Packages address:

• • Team Building,
  • Leadership Development,
  • Organizational Transformation, and
  • Work/Family Balance
  • I can accomodate the training and development needs of your organization depending on the size of your company and the scope of the project through my strategic partnerships with Five Degrees Consulting, Chocolate Villa Women’s Leadership Programs and The Green River Group.

Monthly Structure

1. Priority access to coach in person as well as via email, tele-coaching sessions
2. Four in-depth one-hour sessions
3. Quick, laser-meetings
4. Completion of reading assignments
5. Completion of workbook assignments
6. Completion of specific application assignments
7. Daily utilization of Focus Sheets
8. I will work you. I will challenge you. This work will not be easy. It will be worth it.

See the Monthly Structure above.

Full service and access
Further, this is not a “nickel and dime” package: i.e., this many phone calls, this many emails, this many sessions. This is full service. Your retainer buys the full scope of my services as needed for the month.

Boundaries
All that being said, I do believe in and practice what I preach. While I make myself available to my clients, I also maintain careful boundaries. I do not work past Saturday morning, at all on Sundays, nor Monday evenings. My time with my family is sacrosanct.

What the retainer does not provide:
While the vast majority of my clients take this work very seriously there are a few who sometimes feel “entitled.” So to be clear, I do not play games of intimidation, entitlement, enabling, etc. Nor will I do your work for you. Those styles of interaction are destructive to good relationships. Your retainer does not “buy me.” It retains my time and services for you. Fortunately, that is considered common-sense to most.

I don’t do therapy remotely but coaching. While similar there are a few critical differences. To do therapy in a state you must be located in that state. Coaching is a non-regulated field and so I am able to do life- and relationship-coaching anywhere by any means.

Coaching is well-suited for high-functioning clients where we are not dealing with serious mental health, addiction, or abuse or violence. Those issues would require working more closely with a therapist for several reasons. Coaching however assumes a certain level of stability and health already present. This does not mean that coaching clients won’t have issues and concerns but that they are able to function relatively well (i.e., hold down a job, able to think rationally, are open to and motivated for change, etc).

Certainly. Simply download Skype which allows free calling (and free long-distance) and video conferencing between virtually any computer (Macs, PC’s, Linux/Unix) and webcam out there. Then you can call (801-787-8014) or email me and I’ll give you my Skype username to contact me through Skype.

I take on an exclusive and limited clientele. They select me and I also select them. I will only take on about 20 clients at a time. This allows me to be very accessible to my clients to respond to their needs instead of of being pulled and distracted in too many directions.

Also, one client spot out of every 10 is reserved strictly for pro-bono work. Instead of paying me, these clients commit to “paying it forward.”

Short answer: No. You can’t pay me to care. I care because I care. What you are paying for is: 1. my expertise, 2. my time, and 3. my availability. The caring is free. The caring is who I am.

Long answer: Once several years ago I  heard the term “emotional prostitution” levied against my field. I found that more funny than offensive as it was both ignorant and uninformed. The majority of my colleagues and I got into this profession because we are compassionate and sincere by nature. You can’t buy that.

You are paying for:

1. My expertise (which includes years of experience, past training as well as continuing education, and background).
2. Our session time together. By paying for my time, obviously then I can be present with you instead of needing to work some other form of job to provide for my family. If I was working elsewhere that would leave me unavailable to help at all. I would still care but what good would it do if I couldn’t be present to care? Nor would I  be in a position to get to know you in this capacity. Thus while I could care in general how would I be able to care for you specifically?
3. My availability. Since I maintain a smaller client base than most therapists I am much more available to you for between-session-support (which includes after hours phone, email and text support) to problem-solve, put out fires, and keep your progress and momentum moving in a good direction.

So you’re paying me to be there. The caring comes free.

It won’t. And that’s what we won’t be doing here. While you can express your feelings and concerns as much as you want and need (and it is in my nature to care deeply and sincerely about how people feel) the bottom line is that we will be doing lots of education and skill building and then taking action: practicing LOTS and holding you accountable to your goals.

I will help you create great, truly phenomenal, relationships with yourself, with your spouse, with your children. Period. The real question is what do you want to create? I will work diligently with you to help you achieve your personal and relationship goals.

For full details on what I can help you with: Look at the Services and Seminars I offer. Read more About my background and expertise. Or simply feel free to contact me directly at 801.787.8014 or Jonathan@MarriageEnvy.com and I’ll be happy to answer any of your questions.

“Coaches with a clinical background bring extraordinary gifts to their work not the least of which is their familiarity with a century of social science research that is exquisitely relevant to individual and group coaching relationships.”
—Ben Dean, Ph.D.,
CEO and Founder, MentorCoach, LLC,
MentorCoach.com

My therapeutic training and background as a marriage and family therapist is based in systemic, narrative, collaborative and the post-modern approaches which are non-pathology based, but are respectful, collaborative and empowering.

There are some myths out there commonly purporting that therapy focuses only on problems and the past while coaching focuses on solutions and moving forward. This is patently false, ignorant and uninformed. My specific training was in solution-focused and solution-oriented approaches, positive psychology, resiliency research, non-pathology based family therapy approaches and strong family research and practices. The vast majority of my therapy colleagues also practice from a strengths-based approach. I have no problem with good coaching. I’ve always found it interesting that to distinguish themselves, some coaches find it necessary to tear down another field to make themselves look better. And further to do the tearing down in a way that isn’t even accurate and is often misleading. Is that really the type of person you are looking to help you make changes in your life?

The truth is that coaching grew out of the therapy field and has been strongly influenced by the great leaders in the therapeutic field. The ironic thing, though, is that many coaches don’t actually know the roots of the work that they do nor how the practices they use were first discovered and developed and pioneered by therapists. At some point I’ll write up a longer essay detailing these roots/origins and how the change field has grown and developed and influences one another.

Just as in any field there are those who are brilliant and highly qualified and there are quacks. Whether you use a therapist, a coach or a therapist/coach make sure you “shop around” and study their backgrounds.

It works so well in fact that if after three to four months (the 12 session minimum commitment) of doing this targeted focused work (including the required homework, reading, skills practice to an 80% level) that if we have not made significant and measurable progress towards your goals then I will refund ALL of your money. That’s how confident I am.

This does not necessarily mean full achievement of your goals. 12 sessions is the minimum—some work naturally takes longer depending on the people and the situations. However, significant and measurable progress is fair to be expected at this point.

To be honest, it’s been a safe bet for me (and for my clients) to offer such a guarantee. Why? I haven’t had to refund any of that money simply because those who commit to this work simply (though not easily) win. Those who don’t do the work don’t get the results. Those who do, do.

Making it actually happen is the fun part! I use very specific tactical relationship strategies targeting what’s needed from self-mastery, transformative couples work, and effective parenting training. These strategies are based on timeless universal principles and proven, research- and evidence-based practices and techniques. I take a “zero-fluff” approach based on solid guiding principles and proven and practical techniques that have been field-tested in the trenches.

I will settle for nothing less than excellence and will hold you to a high standard of work. There’s good news and bad news with that promise. The good news is that my clients and I get results. We get outcomes. The bad news is actually part of the good news: I will work you. I will challenge you. I will help you work past whatever blocks and ineffective habits you have or are faced with. This sounds good, but admittedly it can also be quite hard. But the outcomes sure are encouraging, energizing and rejuvenating.

I have the skill, expertise, background, knowledge, experience and network to develop the necessary strategies to create solutions to nearly any goal and obstacles that arise in the pursuit of those goals. If for some reason, though, I can’t help you with your concerns I can get you connected with someone who can.

I have extensive experience in developing effective solutions to the most difficult life and behavioral health problems. I have experience in corporate solutions, executive coaching, leadership development. Browse the site for more details on what we can address together and to get a feel for my approach. You may also just contact me directly at 801.787.8014 or jonathan@MarriageEnvy.com.

Do this work and you will grow and your relationship will transform. Period.

The skills I teach work. Guaranteed.

I guarantee our work together. You will not find this guarantee elsewhere. It’s this simple. If you do the following three things (at least 80%), I guarantee that you will improve the quality of your relationship or I will refund your fees in full:

1. Complete the comprehensive relationship assessment and outcome plan. As our work together progresses, we will use that as a baseline to show relationship improvement, growth and changes.
2. Attend every coaching session as agreed with the intent to do the work required to create a great relationship.
3. Complete all homework assignments (including readings, worksheets, and between session skills practice).

Get started creating the relationship you want today!

Contact: 801.787.8014 or jonathan@MarriageEnvy.com

Yes and no. Yes, there will always be cheaper fees somewhere. And yes, sometimes there are also good therapists tied with those cheaper fees. There are two points to consider in regards to your question:

1. There is some truth to “you get what you pay for”. Some Bishops and other clergy have told me they have actually paid more in the long run for “less expensive” therapists because:
   1. It took longer, and;
   2. The results weren’t helpful, which resulted in them ending up paying more in the long run for more counseling and/or a different counselor and/or more ongoing assistance in other ways to the member because of the direct and indirect financial  impact of unresolved issues. These are all the hidden costs of “cheaper”;
2. Sometimes you can find good counselors “on the cheap”: For example, I worked at a community mental health agency for 10 years where our clients paid according to what they could afford: some paid full fee and some paid only $2 a session. I was paid salary there, of course, and our agency was funded by county, state and federal contracts and funding, which offset the fees so all incomes could access quality care. I provided the same high quality counseling then that I do now. The downside was that I had a large caseload, which can compromise the amount of personal attention I was able to provide to my clients. But, yes, you can find good therapists that are less expensive, too. The main thing is to shop around vs. just “taking what you can get”.

The bottom line is there are many good therapists out there and many sub-par ones, as is true in any profession. It’s a matter of finding who’s available that you can afford (on your own, through your insurance, with church or family help, or agency funding) and then shopping around among them to see who is the best for you. Never settle for just what someone gives you or just what you “can get.” In my field it’s called self-advocacy and we believe that clients can and should advocate strongly for the best care available.

As for timelines, while it’s a very fair question as you can imagine the answer varies wildly on so many variables–how motivated and committed someone is to the work, the nature of the issues, personality, etc, etc, etc… and at this point there’s no way for me to gauge any of that without knowing your nor all the particulars yet. However, I do ask people to make a minimum 12 session commitment as the last thing we want to do is just start to get into things and then stop half-way in and then say “Oh, I tried counseling but it didn’t work” which is like saying, “I went to the gym 5 times and didn’t lose 50 lbs. The gym didn’t work.” :-) I alway say there’s no half-way jumping across a chasm. 12 sessions isn’t a magic number but it does give us 3-4 months of consistent work meeting every week or every other week that we can then track progress from our baseline where we started to where we are at the 6th session and 12th session points. Some clients take less time, some more and some much more. My work with my clients is outcome and results-oriented so it’s important that we do the right work the right way and long enough for it to take root so that it can then come to fruition.

My fee is $150/hour. I require a $500/month retainer with a minimum three month commitment. The retainer is paid at the beginning of the month via my website. If you drop out of the work for any reason that month’s retainer is retained.

I do offer pre-paid session package discounts as follows:

• Relationship Consulting Hourly Rates*
  $150.00
  *1 Consulting Hour = 50 Minutes
  Sliding fee scale available on an as needed basis.
  Limited pro-bono scholoarships to highly motivated low-income clients.
• 3 Session Hour Package Discount 
  Purchase 3 hours up front and receive a $15/hr discount.*
  Example:
  3 Hours = $450.00 normally, with a reduced total of $405.00 ($45.00 Discount)
  *Use the hours when you need them.
  **Package discounts do not apply to the first assessment session which is full price.
• 6 Session Hour Package Discount
  Purchase 6  hours up front and receive a $20/hr discount.*
  Example:
  6 Hours = $900.00 normally, with a reduced total of $780.00 ($120.00 Discount)
  *Use the hours when you need them.
  **Package discounts do not apply to the first assessment session which is full price.
• 10 Session Hour Package Discount
  Purchase 10 hours up front and receive a $25/hr discount.*
  Example:
  10 Hours = $1,500.00 normally, with a reduced total of $1,250.00 ($250.00 Discount, which is more than one and half sessions free)
  *Use the hours when you need them.
  **Package discounts do not apply to the first assessment session which is full price.
• Note: These amounts assume hourly sessions. If you need more time for longer sessions which is sometimes the case you will be billed accordingly at the hourly rate and I will honor the hourly discount amount associated with your package. Let me know if you have any questions. Thank you.
• Payment forms accepted
  Cash, check, money order, debit or credit card, PayPal (you can make payments here), your “flex pay” or “cafeteria plan” card (which works like a debit/credit card). Third-party reimbursement (insurance) as follows:

I don’t take insurance. However, if you are in the same state as I am (UT) you can see if your insurance will cover out-of-network therapists (I don’t think insurances are covering out-of-state providers in my field yet) and if so they may reimburse you for some of the cost, which is $150/hr. You can pay full amount at time of service (check, card, cash) or if you need/want you can make payments as you are able on your balance over time (I don’t charge interest or any fees for that, this is provided as a courtesy), whichever works best.

See the Monthly Structure above.

Full service and access
Further, this is not a “nickel and dime” package: i.e., this many phone calls, this many emails, this many sessions. This is full service. Your retainer buys the full scope of my services as needed for the month.

Boundaries
All that being said, I do believe in and practice what I preach. While I make myself available to my clients, I also maintain careful boundaries. I do not work past Saturday morning, at all on Sundays, nor Monday evenings. My time with my family is sacrosanct.

What the retainer does not provide:
While the vast majority of my clients take this work very seriously there are a few who sometimes feel “entitled.” So to be clear, I do not play games of intimidation, entitlement, enabling, etc. Nor will I do your work for you. Those styles of interaction are destructive to good relationships. Your retainer does not “buy me.” It retains my time and services for you. Fortunately, that is considered common-sense to most.

That is true and it’s not a bad model by any means. I used to operate that way myself with good success for both my clients and myself. The reason is that my work with my clients has progressed to the stage where I am only working with those who are fully committed to doing the work rather than “try and see” or just putting forth a mock “good faith effort.” I have found that this approach quickly weeds out those who are not 100% committed to doing the work. It is hard work and the results do not come easily. I have found that when people put their money where their mouths are they tend to value their work more. This results in less talk, more walk.

I also work by retainer only to limit my client base. I work with a select clientele. They select me and I select them. I will not work with just anyone. By working by retainer, I am able to keep my client base small and thus dedicate my time to this limited clientele, as opposed to seeing many people at a reduced fee who only get small chunks of my time, energy and focus. This latter, more common approach, leads to burned-out therapists who are “churning” out clients to pay the bills. This sadly results in less than optimal care for the client. I prefer to spend less time worrying about living from “session to session” and the business of chasing down fees and putting my focus instead into your care.

It works so well in fact that if after three to four months (the 12 session minimum commitment) of doing this targeted focused work (including the required homework, reading, skills practice to an 80% level) that if we have not made significant and measurable progress towards your goals then I will refund ALL of your money. That’s how confident I am.

This does not necessarily mean full achievement of your goals. 12 sessions is the minimum—some work naturally takes longer depending on the people and the situations. However, significant and measurable progress is fair to be expected at this point.

To be honest, it’s been a safe bet for me (and for my clients) to offer such a guarantee. Why? I haven’t had to refund any of that money simply because those who commit to this work simply (though not easily) win. Those who don’t do the work don’t get the results. Those who do, do.

Short answer: You get what you pay for. Really.

Longer answer: At first glance, yes, it can seem expensive. However, there are usually much greater costs that are paid when we “cheap out” on our well-being. This is true with almost any product or service. Let me explains as follows:

Beware the high cost of low price.

What do I mean? You may think you’re paying more out of pocket for my services—that is until you count the real cost.

You can definitely find cheaper services either through your insurance (if they’ll cover what you need, and if they’ll let you work on what you want to work on in session) or through someone who takes a lower fee. Obviously, if what you’re doing is working, then no problem. However, if you are not getting tangible results my question is “cheaper” really saving you money?

Consider the cost of NO, or poor, results:

• If you stay in counseling or coaching, but you are getting minimal or no results then your “cheaper” fees add up over time to being more than what you’d be paying for a results-driven process—with little to show for it;
• What if it didn’t work with the first counselor? Understandably you shop around and move on to the next… That is unless you were so discouraged by the attempt that didn’t work that you stop going to counseling and receive no benefit at all. In both scenarios you’re still out of the money you spent, again with little to show for your efforts;
• Let’s say you find a counselor who will accept $60/hr and you pay out of pocket. Let’s say you work with him or her for 12 sessions (3 months) = $720. Much less than $150/hr for 12 sessions with me which equals $1,800. Now it worked, then that’s great. I’ll never argue against results. But what if it didn’t? You’re out the money and still stuck with the problems that brought you into counseling. Let’s say you go twice that many for 24 sessions (6 months). That’s $1,440. Maybe it’s working better now that you’ve stuck with it longer, which is great. Maybe it didn’t which now seems a shame that all that money and time was spent with little to actually show for it and the problems STILL existing, but with now less energy, interest and motivation to continue working on it;
• Also, consider the cost of what most people do when they drop out of counseling because they aren’t getting results. What direct and indirect costs are there to their couple and family relationships when the problem remains? What is the monetary value of the toll the unresolved problem has on the children and yourself mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually?
• There’s a reason you can find it cheaper elsewhere: Many counselors and coaches work from a scarcity model: “I have to see so many clients a week at X fee to make enough money to be able to….” Reasonable enough thought process, right? Sure. However, what’s the impact on client care in a profession that can be very mentally and emotionally taxing when the provider is “churning” client appointments? Most counselors in those cheaper paying positions have high case loads with lots of paperwork requirements for each of those clients. How much time do they have to devote to you between session when you have a need? How much time do they have to do research on topics directly related to your concerns? How much time do they have for balance and self-care in their own lives? This is not to disparage the field. Don’t get me wrong. I know from experience as I used to work in those settings and many of my colleagues still do. Those of us who have been there know how taxing that type of workload can be. It tends to burn therapists out if they aren’t careful. These are very real concerns that therapists express to me at professional conferences, around staff meetings, etc.
• My average client sees considerable and measurable results towards their goals by session 12 (which is our agreed upon minimum number of sessions). At my full fee of $150/hr x 12 = $1,800. Admittedly, that’s a good chunk of change. Compare that cost to these common expenses:
  • As an individual or a couple how much do we willingly and gladly spend on car, spa, recreation, vacations, while our core relationship problems remain unresolved?
  • If and when it comes time to hire the divorce attorney will you be able to dicker for price or will you simply find a way to pay for it? Most people find a way to pay it. It’s amazing to me how many people will try to find the cheapest counseling they can find to save their marriage but will pay whatever it takes to get the best “shark” for their divorce. They end up paying a premium price for cruddy results. And yet I’ve had people, prior to becoming my clients, at times complain about paying much less about creating great results.
  • Read this related article: Count the Cost.

Bottom line: I guarantee results. Period.

The guarantee is simply this: You do at least 80% of the mutually agreed upon work over the agreed upon minimum time frame we establish and if there is no progress towards your goals then I will refund 100% of your fees. You can easily find cheaper counseling. Good luck finding that guarantee with any other provider.

So the question is: How much are you really paying with more “cheaper” sessions with less results?

I accept credit or debit cards, checks, cash, PayPal payments, eChecks, and on the very rare occasion I can even accept barter so long as it does not create a conflict of interest (we can discuss that further if you wish).

Normally payments are made at time of service and/or are pre-paid as part of a package. However, there are other options as well.

Insurance: I do not bill insurance. However, if 1. You are a client in the State of Utah; 2. We are working on a diagnosable issue in a therapy relationship; and 3. If your insurance will reimburse you for an “out of network provider” then I can provide you with a receipt for fees you have paid me for services rendered on your behalf that contains the diagnostic codes, session codes and my professional information required by insurance companies. Every insurance company works differently. They may or may not authorize services and they may or may not reimburse you.

Pay over time: Payment is expected at the beginning of each month. You may make partial payments on a monthly basis via credit or debit card payments that you have contracted to pay based on what you can manage realistically each month. I don’t charge interest or fees for payment plans so long as payments are being made. For example, if you were trying to pay the minimum of a three-month commitment of doing the work together with the normal $500/month retainer that would be $1,500 over three months. I have some clients who are committed to doing the work, but legitimately can’t afford $500/month and instead are paying $125/month over 12 months with no additional interest or fees. That’s just one of many ways we can structure payments and this way it makes it workable for pretty much any budget.

Clergy: I also work with clergy from various faiths as they know I will honor your spiritual values. Many clergy help pay the fee in full or in part based on their member’s needs. Since these funds come from sacred donations i offer a substantially reduced fee to clergy. Contact me for more details on how this works.

Family: Some clients receive help from their family who pay for their sessions by debit/credit or online via PayPal.

I have found that while we can accomplish a lot in just 10-12 sessions, that not everyone who starts finishes. Thus, this three to four month commitment establishes clear parameters on what is expected. At this stage in my career I am only working with those who are willing to do whatever it takes to get the job done. We don’t get lasting results in brief periods. We don’t get great results by doing sloppy work. We don’t get BMW’s out of Yugo factories. A few weeks in the gym with your personal trainer isn’t going to create huge muscles or great weight loss, regardless of how bad you want it or how good your trainer is. Commit to the work and to the process and you commit to results.

I chose the 12 session mark both from:

1. The research that most clients on average attend 8-12 sessions regardless of positive, neutral or negative experience/outcomes. That’s simply the time frame therapists generally have to do their work with most clients; and
2. My own professional experience of observing the following pattern with most clients over the years:

• • Sessions 1-2: The Honeymoon Phase where people got over the fear of going to counseling and then to their glad surprise hear new ideas and strategies that provide encouragement and hope. This energizes clients to try  and gives them a running start;
  • Sessions 3-4: Reality Sets In Phase where clients come back to the reality that they are still human, have pulses and that all their long-standing habits are still there in full force. They get discouraged. Most people if they haven’t given a commitment to a process of counseling give in at this point and stop going because “it isn’t working.”
  • Sessions 5-9: The Work Phase where clients dig in and work past “the wall,” barriers and discouragement, start to get a bit more comfortable with the new skills and mindsets, and get the tender roots of new habits begin to form;
  • Sessions 10-12: Tapering Phase where we’ve hit a stride and are now attending every other week as they are a little  more confident in their skill sets and are able to practice more and more on their own with increasing success.

Of course, 12 sessions is the minimum. Some take twice as long. Some even longer. Every person and every situation is different. However, the above four phases are common and predictable for most people and you can expect something similar in your experience. Don’t get fixated on the number 12. It’s just a marker where we can gauge progress. It doesn’t have to mean everything needs to be “fixed” by then. Take the time you and your situation requires.

1. First, just discuss what you’ve shared with me before about not having access close by to a qualified therapist that meets your needs, and how long it would/could take to travel to another city to meet with a qualified professional;
2. Inform your clergy member That I work with many clergy locally and remotely for that very reason;
3. With video and phone technology being so much better and low cost now it is changing how people access healthcare in many ways. For example, in addition to what I provide in this field of counseling, some doctors (both general practitioners and psychiatrists) are now “meeting” with rural patients via video conferencing over the web with people who would otherwise not have access to a doctor. Thus it is becoming more common as technology is allowing people greater choice in selecting providers for their care. Both the Bishops (and other clergy I work with) and my clients appreciate it, in my case, as for the same cost they can get better and more well-suited care.
4. I  one of the few in my field on this cutting-edge who is providing this option. I have clients all over the country and even a few international clients I work with this way (see Client Map).
5. He or she is more than welcome to call me directly at 801.787.8014 or email me at jonathan@MarriageEnvy.com and I will be happy to answer any of their questions or concerns about working in this manner.

Professionally I am bound to report the sessions as they are by my licensing board’s ethical code as well as legally (to do otherwise would amount to “insurance fraud” and loss of licensure).

Insurance’s “reasoning” is one of the reasons I don’t deal with them—too many insurance companies ignore the overwhelming body of research that shows that individuals with behavioral health issues (mental health, addictions, etc.) get well both sooner and better by combining individual and couples/family sessions—which actually saves the insurance company more in the long run as they end up paying for fewer sessions overall with better results. No duh, of course, but they continually ignore that. Typical myopic thinking. Grrrr. I’m sorry though for the additional financial burden that puts on you.

Normally payments are made at time of service and/or are pre-paid as part of a package. However, there are other options as well.

Insurance: I do not bill insurance. However, if 1. You are a client in the State of Utah; 2. We are working on a diagnosable issue in a therapy relationship; and 3. If your insurance will reimburse you for an “out of network provider” then I can provide you with a receipt for fees you have paid me for services rendered on your behalf that contains the diagnostic codes, session codes and my professional information required by insurance companies. Every insurance company works differently. They may or may not authorize services and they may or may not reimburse you.

Pay over time: Payment is expected at the beginning of each month. You may make partial payments on a monthly basis via credit or debit card payments that you have contracted to pay based on what you can manage realistically each month. I don’t charge interest or fees for payment plans so long as payments are being made. For example, if you were trying to pay the minimum of a three-month commitment of doing the work together with the normal $500/month retainer that would be $1,500 over three months. I have some clients who are committed to doing the work, but legitimately can’t afford $500/month and instead are paying $125/month over 12 months with no additional interest or fees. That’s just one of many ways we can structure payments and this way it makes it workable for pretty much any budget.

Clergy: I also work with clergy from various faiths as they know I will honor your spiritual values. Many clergy help pay the fee in full or in part based on their member’s needs. Since these funds come from sacred donations i offer a substantially reduced fee to clergy. Contact me for more details on how this works.

Family: Some clients receive help from their family who pay for their sessions by debit/credit or online via PayPal.

Professionally I am bound to report the sessions as they are by my licensing board’s ethical code as well as legally (to do otherwise would amount to “insurance fraud” and loss of licensure).

Insurance’s “reasoning” is one of the reasons I don’t deal with them—too many insurance companies ignore the overwhelming body of research that shows that individuals with behavioral health issues (mental health, addictions, etc.) get well both sooner and better by combining individual and couples/family sessions—which actually saves the insurance company more in the long run as they end up paying for fewer sessions overall with better results. No duh, of course, but they continually ignore that. Typical myopic thinking. Grrrr. I’m sorry though for the additional financial burden that puts on you.

Dear Event Organizer,

Besides the fun, upbeat and relatable manner of how I present, and the solid, informative and practical content of the presentation itself, I also offer four uncommon approaches most presenters don’t utilize that leaders have reported to particularly helpful to them and their groups:

1. Pre-questionnaire: I always customize each presentation to the particular needs and interests of those who will be in attendance by providing a pre-questionnaire to get feedback about what people want to most get out of the fireside or workshop. Opposed to a “canned” presentation, this approach ensures the topic will be especially relevant to those who choose to participate.
2. Evaluation: An additional benefit of my presentation process is that I also collect an evaluation form at the end of each presentation. I then compile the results (in an anonymous manner, of course) and provide those results back to the organizer and leaders so they can know what was most impactful and relevant to their members. Many have found this feedback to help them get a better “pulse” on the needs of their members.
3. Handout Packet: Each participant gets a content rich handout packet which contains the presentation sides, relevant articles, worksheets and reference material so the learning can continue well after the presentation (Note: the hosting organization customarily makes these copies from the handout PDF I send to the organizer).
4. The GREAT Relationships Forum (MarriageEnvy.com/forum) where participants (for free) can continue the discussion that began in the workshop online with other participants from the most recent as well as past workshops. This allows the learning to continue, questions to be answered, support to be given and gained, insights and experiences to be shared and for principles and concepts to be reinforced and practiced. Each workshop has it’s own section in the Forum so those who are most interested in that area can focus there.

Yes, No and Maybe.

Yes
As a way to give back, in some small measure, to the various faith organizations that have blessed my family’s and my life both directly and indirectly I do offer my speaking services pro bono to faith groups whether they are of my particular faith or not. These can include 1-2 hour workshops or half-day seminars. The exception is more time-intensive commitments such as marriage/family weekends/retreats. For these, I accept honorariums based on what they can afford from their budget. Alternatively, some pay my full fee, or they generate their honorarium, through selling tickets for such events to their congregation.

If travel and lodging expenses are incurred those expenses are arranged and paid for by the organization. Further, for pro bono services it is understood that the hosting organization will make copies for every participant of my handout packet (that I send via email as a PDF) at their own expense.

I do donate my time for such organizations as yours as I know most such agencies aren’t budgeted for my full fee. At the same time, most do consider what they can offer as an honorarium (as much or as little as is realistic for them–there is no set amount for an honorarium) to help defray associated costs and I would first ask you to consider that as well. If not, I will still make myself available pro bono, but only ask you to first consider what may be possible. Thank you.

Why pro bono and/or honorariums for church and civic organizations?

1. 1.To give back
2. 2.To respect the sacred nature of their limited funds. Sacred as either consecrated to God’s work or sacred as taxpayers money.
3. 3.Many of these organizations are on the front lines an are first responders to those I can serve. Thus, though not required, but as a matter of course, I tend to get many referrals over time from offering these services. So besides the benefit of giving back the truth is the principle of “casting my bread upon the waters” continues to prove true.

Maybe:
Okay, I haven’t thought of a “maybe” but feel free to ask—can’t hurt.

No
For organizations and corporations this is an investment that yields measurable results in terms of increased employee engagement which is the key indicator for all of these resultant outcomes:

• increased retention,
• decreased turnover,
• greater morale,
• increased productivity,
• improved customer service,
• greater customer satisfaction =  increased ROI/bottom line.

Companies cannot afford not to invest. I provide research-and evidence-based trainings for their single greatest expense and investment—their people.

Consider: a few thousand dollars of results-based training and development for yielding the above results on 30 people you are paying each at 50k/year = $1,500,000/year in your investment in your people. Consider the cost of not investing in the training to protect and leverage that considerable investment.  For example, when you lose just one of these people it costs on average one-half of their salary, through direct and indirect costs to the company, to recruit and train a new employee. In this scenario that’s 25K of direct and indirect costs on top of their 50k salary. Losing people vs. developing people is akin to needlessly flushing 25k down the toilet for every fire and hire. Thus my fee of a few thousand dollars for various training needs compared to 1.5M is a small investment to protect a greater investment even more importantly yields an even greater ROI than just protecting investment.

Yes, it can make a difference and it does have some unique benefits, however, it isn’t necessary.

First of all, the benefits:

• Personally, because I have greatly value my faith and relationship with God, I have a great respect for anyone else’s faith and relationship in God, however they may worship, believe or understand God.
• I work with many members of the LDS faith. As a member myself I have an “insiders” understanding of the unique and subtle aspects of doctrine, values, beliefs and culture that make up our faith, as is true in any particular faith group.
• I work with many mainstream Christians as well. In my faith the Bible is central to our belief system as it is in all Christian faiths. As such the Christians I work with who want God incorporated into our discussions appreciate that I have an intimate understanding of the Word of God and the teachings of Christ. I am well-versed in this wonderful scripture and am happy to use it’s centering influence in people’s lives.

My being LDS matters to some of my LDS clients and to others it doesn’t.

For example, many Bishops in my area don’t refer to LDS Family Services therapists because too many of them, sadly, just aren’t that good. Just because a therapist is of the same faith as you doesn’t necessarily mean they are a good therapist, even if they are a good person.

Are you going to “preach” to me in session?

No. While I am happy to incorporate your beliefs into our discussions and talk about how you can integrate your beliefs into the strategies we use and even how to leverage your faith to help you better practice the skills you are learning, I am not your spiritual leader. I will always encourage you to work with your ecclesiastical leaders. I respect the line between pastoral counseling and professional counseling. They are two approaches that I have found compliment each other well, and I know where my place is and where it isn’t.

Why isn’t it necessary? Any good therapist will respect your beliefs and values and work with your from your value-base, not their own.

For example, a dear friend and colleague of mine was raised LDS and later left the church. Yet, I have no problem referring LDS clients to her because: a. She’s one of the most skilled and compassionate clinicians I know and b. Good therapists work from their client’s value system and don’t impose their own–meaning she always respects her LDS clients beliefs and helps them live closer to their values. She’s not an angry ex-Mormon with an agenda. She is a good therapist. Period.

The point is there are great therapists in and out of our faith who will respect your beliefs and values. I do just that with my clients who are Catholic, Protestant, Muslim, Jewish, and Buddhist. I do that with my clients who are agnostic and atheists. I agree that faith matters in counseling, but only to a point. What matters most is finding a skilled and compassionate person who will work for YOUR goals and agenda and who is healthy enough themselves to not impose their own beliefs and agendas on you.

Yes and no. Yes, there will always be cheaper fees somewhere. And yes, sometimes there are also good therapists tied with those cheaper fees. There are two points to consider in regards to your question:

1. There is some truth to “you get what you pay for”. Some Bishops and other clergy have told me they have actually paid more in the long run for “less expensive” therapists because:
   1. It took longer, and;
   2. The results weren’t helpful, which resulted in them ending up paying more in the long run for more counseling and/or a different counselor and/or more ongoing assistance in other ways to the member because of the direct and indirect financial  impact of unresolved issues. These are all the hidden costs of “cheaper”;
2. Sometimes you can find good counselors “on the cheap”: For example, I worked at a community mental health agency for 10 years where our clients paid according to what they could afford: some paid full fee and some paid only $2 a session. I was paid salary there, of course, and our agency was funded by county, state and federal contracts and funding, which offset the fees so all incomes could access quality care. I provided the same high quality counseling then that I do now. The downside was that I had a large caseload, which can compromise the amount of personal attention I was able to provide to my clients. But, yes, you can find good therapists that are less expensive, too. The main thing is to shop around vs. just “taking what you can get”.

The bottom line is there are many good therapists out there and many sub-par ones, as is true in any profession. It’s a matter of finding who’s available that you can afford (on your own, through your insurance, with church or family help, or agency funding) and then shopping around among them to see who is the best for you. Never settle for just what someone gives you or just what you “can get.” In my field it’s called self-advocacy and we believe that clients can and should advocate strongly for the best care available.

1. First, just discuss what you’ve shared with me before about not having access close by to a qualified therapist that meets your needs, and how long it would/could take to travel to another city to meet with a qualified professional;
2. Inform your clergy member That I work with many clergy locally and remotely for that very reason;
3. With video and phone technology being so much better and low cost now it is changing how people access healthcare in many ways. For example, in addition to what I provide in this field of counseling, some doctors (both general practitioners and psychiatrists) are now “meeting” with rural patients via video conferencing over the web with people who would otherwise not have access to a doctor. Thus it is becoming more common as technology is allowing people greater choice in selecting providers for their care. Both the Bishops (and other clergy I work with) and my clients appreciate it, in my case, as for the same cost they can get better and more well-suited care.
4. I  one of the few in my field on this cutting-edge who is providing this option. I have clients all over the country and even a few international clients I work with this way (see Client Map).
5. He or she is more than welcome to call me directly at 801.787.8014 or email me at jonathan@MarriageEnvy.com and I will be happy to answer any of their questions or concerns about working in this manner.

I work with clergy and clients of many faiths because they recognize that I will support their values. They appreciate that I know how to respect the boundary between professional therapy and pastoral counseling. Thus, I frequently work with LDS bishops and stake presidents, Fathers, pastors, reverends, ministers and rabbis. They know I am well-versed in scripture (Christian, LDS, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu, and Islamic) and am centered in a strong personal faith.

I have been invited to speak at other churches to do workshops, marriage retreats, work with their members, and so forth, such as the United Methodists, Baptists and interfaith advocacy groups. I have worked with members of Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu and Islamic faiths. Whenever I work with someone of a faith different from mine I make sure that I am well-versed in the core tenants of their faith so that I can respect ands support their values. Further, I am always open to be taught and corrected by my clients about the points of their belief and practice that are important and relevant to them in our work together.

In short, Mother Teresa said well about her faith what I feel in my heart, “I love all religions. I’m just in love with mine.”

It was good to get your email. As you can imagine, I have the same concerns you have. It grieves me to see so many individuals, couples, children and families suffer so needlessly when there are such great solutions available to them. One of the biggest barriers I have seen that families experience, is not the lack of available help, but not knowing what’s available to them, how to access that help, or the stigma associated with getting help.

I feel heartily for the couple you described. I specialize in working with such couples in distress and am known as a “turn-around specialist” for troubled marriages. Because of this specialty area I work with many Bishops, Stake Presidents and Relief Society Presidents who refer the members of their ward to me to assist them in resolving the difficult communication, financial, parenting, and intimacy conflicts common in marriage, as well as for addiction and mental health recovery needs.

In regards to your question of fireside topics, I speak on a wide range of topics that relate to creating true and lasting GREATness in our relationships, including, the above topic areas. While I speak on many topics, some of the most requested presentations are:

• Building a Strong Family Team with “ACCCTS”
• Parenting Tips from the Trenches
• Creating a GREAT Relationship Brand: How Sound Business and Marketing Principles Can Strengthen Your Marriage and Family
• Pornography: Problems and Solutions
• The “Our Way” Marriage Plan: 10 Steps to Reducing Conflict and Increasing Harmony
• Solutions to Depression
• Stress-Busting 101: Mastering Anxiety and Stress

Besides the content of the presentation itself, I also offer three uncommon approaches most presenters don’t utilize that leaders have reported to particularly helpful to them and their members:

1. Pre-questionnaire: I always customize each presentation to the particular needs and interests of those who will be in attendance by providing a pre-questionnaire to get feedback about what people want to most get out of the fireside or workshop. Opposed to a “canned” presentation, this approach ensures the topic will be especially relevant to those who choose to participate.
2. Evaluation: An additional benefit of my presentation process is that I also collect an evaluation form at the end of each presentation. I then compile the results (in an anonymous manner, of course) and provide those results back to the organizer and leaders so they can know what was most impactful and relevant to their members. Many have found this feedback to help them get a better “pulse” on the needs of their members.
3. Handout Packet: Each participant gets a content rich handout packet which contains the presentation sides, relevant articles, worksheets and reference material so the learning can continue well after the presentation (Note: Since I give these Church-related presentations for free, the hosting ward customarily makes the copies).

I would be very  happy to talk with you more on the phone about how I may be a resource to your ward. You may already know, but all of my speaking services to the Church are provided completely pro-bono as a way for me to pay forward in a small way just some of all the many blessings I receive from the Church and the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Also, my fee for counseling services is significantly reduced from my regular fee of $150/hour to $85/hour for Bishop supported clients to respect the sacred nature of the funds utilized. This reduced fee allows  those funds to go farther while still providing the same specialized services marriages in such distress require.

I have attached a list of free articles that will further give you an idea of the topics I am available to speak on. Please feel free to use any of these with your members.

PS: If you think other Bishops and leaders in your Stake may have the same concerns you have, please feel free to forward this email on to them as well.

There are many fun, informative, upbeat and/or more serious topics that I am able to present to your members (see full Seminar list here).  Most of them center around the themes of self-mastery, marriage mastery, and parenting finesse. All workshops are based in, and true to, Gospel principles and are supported by the most rigorous research and evidence-based practices. Of course, my speaking services are done pro-bono for my Church. I only ask that each ward/stake be responsible to make copies of the handout materials I use for the requested workshop. My fees for other faiths are based at a discounted rate, and I am willing to discuss honorariums when the discounted rate is not doable.

Please feel free to contact me directly either via jonathan@MarriageEnvy.com or phone 801.787.8014 if there are any further questions you have or if I can be of service in any way to you or the members of your congregation.

I speak to many churches, wards, stakes and faith groups. I certainly understand the necessity of doing background checks (both professionally and in regards to standing in my own church) on anyone who might present to your members.

Professionally, you may view my vita as well as peruse this website.

In regards to my Church standing, I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, American Fork 9th Ward, American Fork Utah East Stake with President Mark Ivins (801-756-4625). I currently serve as the Assistant Advisor to the Teachers’ Quorum. My wife and I have taught, and continue to teach, the 16 week Marriage and Family Relations Course in our ward once a year for the past several years. You are welcome to contact my former Bishop Steve Landeen (801-756-7430) with whom I served as his Executive Secretary or my current Bishop Kendall Warburton (801-756-2264) for character references. Both know me well.

Personally, I am a married to a lovely and skilled husband-trainer who has truly earned her keep. We live in eternal bliss (okay, fairly peaceably) with our four children in the beautiful Rocky Mountains of Utah.

You may view my full vita that delineates my background, education and experience.

• ADHD: I both have it and have treated it in youth and adults for years. While ADHD is very real I’ve come to reject its official name of Attention Deficit Disorder because I don’t believe it’s a deficit (something lacking) and I don’t believe it’s a disorder (something wrong). It is a dynamic way of thinking and paying attention that is diverse and different. This difference has been my greatest source of inspiration as I miss nothing and notice everything. Everything fascinates me an I’m never bored. Everything gives me ideas. I would HATE to not have my ADD. I would not trade this type of brain for any other. And yes, it also leads to distraction and can make it, at times, a real chore to stay focused on some key tasks. But that’s manageable with skills, training and practice. So, yes I’m ADD: Attention Different and Dynamic. ADD is probably both my greatest asset and liability. Fortunately, most of the liability side of it has been managed and most of the asset side has been leveraged.
• A compassionate heart. That’s all good, right? Yes, mostly. However, I am a people-pleaser/peace-maker by nature and as such I have had to learn to become very proficient with my own boundaries and self-care lest that compassionate nature be taken advantage of. Fortunately, those skills are strong and allow me to leverage the strength of that compassionate nature.
• A quick, curious and inquisitive mind.
• A great respect for people’s unique differences. I trust my client’s that they will teach me the best way to help them. I have learned to trust that my client’s pace of change is always the correct one.
• A love of well-researched knowledge, evidence-based practices and timeless wisdom.
• My approaches are practical and hands-on. I like the doable that produces tangible results.
• A fun and slightly irreverent sense of humor.
• Integrity to practice the bulk of what I preach. I claim no perfection and expect perfection from no one. Some skill and mindsets I nail 100%—master level stuff. Other things I get A’s and B’s most of the time. Some things I just do the best I can. I expect greatness, not perfection, of myself and of my clients. Part of greatness is stretching well beyond our comfort zone while balancing a healthy acceptance for ourselves where we are and for who we are.

I was clear from the beginning that I wanted to create and run my own business and that I didn’t want to have “just” a private practice. I didn’t know how to run a business nor how to do it on my own. So I studied successful entrepreneurs in every field, not just successful therapists in my field.

Why on my own, though? Why not with a partner or a group? I never fully fit in other’s systems of school or bueraucratic organizations. I feel constrained by other’s methods, even when they are good methods. While I love being a part of a creative and cohesive team, I value the freedom to do things fully the way I would like them done. This isn’t controlling. It’s being in control (of self/destiny). There is a difference. Being an entrepreneur allows most of the best parts of myself to be fully explored and fulfilled.

For example,

• I love creating, crafting and building things: As a child it was Lego and Lincoln Logs. As an adult it’s graphics, woodworking, helping people develop into their most authentic true selves (individuals, couples, families, organizations), developing products, presentations and my own company;
• I love/hate the risk/reward quotient of being an entrepreneur. But I love it more than not because I love the ability to make my own path with the help of many others’ brilliant and generous support, faith, guidance and encouragement;
• I dreamed and ached to be able to have an abundance of both time and money to squander on my family. I didn’t know how to do it but I wanted it SO bad I just never stopped trying;
• My parents believed in me. My wife believes in me. Their constant and abiding faith gave me the confidence that I really did have something valuable to offer to people and the most effective way to do so was on my own as an entrepreneur.