Get the GREAT Relationships Newsletter
Recent Posts
Recent Tweets
Search
Categories
- >> Marriage Transformation
- >> Parent Training
- >> Self-Mastery
- :: 365 Love Quotes Project
- :: 52 Love Songs Project
- :: The Great Relationship Masters Project
- Abuse and Violence
- Activities
- Affairs & Infidelity
- Clergy Resources
- Family Relationships
- For Professionals & Colleauges
- GRQ?
- Intimacy
- Just Plain Silly
- Love/Romance
- Marriage Tips
- Men/Husbands/Fatherhood
- Mindfulness
- Nonviolence and Peace
- Odds and Ends
- Practice Builders
- Pre-Marital/Early Marital
- Pros & Colleagues
- QandA
- Seminars and Workshops
- Stress-Busting
- The GREAT Relationship
- Uncategorized
Archives
- February 2012
- January 2012
- December 2011
- November 2011
- October 2011
- August 2011
- July 2011
- June 2011
- May 2011
- March 2011
- February 2011
- January 2011
- November 2010
- October 2010
- September 2010
- July 2010
- June 2010
- May 2010
- April 2010
- March 2010
- February 2010
- October 2009
- February 2009
- December 2008
- September 2008
- August 2008
- July 2008
- June 2008
- May 2008
- March 2008
- February 2008
- July 2004
Interviews
Celebrating love every month of the year. KSL Channel 5 live interview of our 20th Anniversary Year Long Celebration
Therapist says Powell sons will need help coping with changes
Brown sisters staying quiet about relationship with parents
Quoted
“Make Every Day of the Year Valentine’s Day,” by Pam Cloud, Times Record
http://sittercityblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/times-record.pdf
http://m.swtimes.com/mobile/site/bios/features/article_73b43d08-378d-11e0-9c66-001cc4c002e0.html
MamaPedia: The Wisdom of Moms
Q: “Need Help! Does Anyone Know a Wonderful Marriage Counselor in Utah County?”
http://forum.newordermormon.org/viewtopic.php?p=333286&sid=bda12ebe1ceb0392f7c5f4f9078fb1b3
Profiles
TherapyNext profile
http://therapynext.com/Profile.aspx?pid=1715
http://socialwhitepages.ca/jonathan-sherman/
articles/Blogs reposted
http://ecyikoucy.posterous.com/insanely-great-relationships-marriage-envy
http://vaughnthaddeus.typepad.com/blog/2011/10/insanely-great-relationships-marriage-envy.html
http://patel-travels.blogspot.com/2011/10/insanely-great-relationships-marriage.html
http://www.docstoc.com/docs/10922321/Daily-Romance-Tips-for-Keeping-the-Love-Alive-Part
Events Reposted
http://www.kulone.com/US/Event/2501610-Attract-the-Best-Singles-Seminar-with-Jonathan-Sherman
http://www.transformationstationslc.com/?page_id=154
Products Referenced
http://ebookdatabase.net/s/stress-buster-pdf
20th Anniversary Playlist
Posted by Jonathan Sherman in :: 52 Love Songs Project,Love/Romance | February 14, 2012Every anniversary Kara gets a new playlist (back in the day, kiddies, we called them “mix tapes”) of songs I collect throughout the year that represent how I feel about my baby. I generally try to pick songs based on real committed love and not just cheesy love songs. Would love to hear your recommendations, too. Thanks.
Be sure to follow our 20th Anniversary Year-Long Celebration here.
GrooveShark didn’t have the following songs that are on Kara’s playlist that I highly recommend:
- Lovesong, Adele (the one above is a cover of her cover of The Cure’s original song)
- Things We Said Today, The Beatles
- Gold to Me, Ben Harper
- Me & You, Michael Reno Harrell
Our 20th Anniversary Year-Long Celebration
Posted by Jonathan Sherman in >> Marriage Transformation,Love/Romance | February 13, 2012
You know how business’ celebrate their 10th, 20th, etc anniversary of being in business all year long? Well, marriage and family is more important than any business so Kara and I decided today that we’re going to make our 20th Anniversary a Year-Long Celebration instead of just on our anniversary date itself and stretch it out throughout 2012 with various big and small celebrations, activities and parties. Woo hoo!
January 19th: My wife Kara’s blog post “20 Years” — A touching and funny tribute of our life together Yes, it made me cry. Best gift I’ve ever received! Wow! I’m tearing up, folks, sap that I am. What a touching (and funny) review and tribute of our life together. Thanks, baby! BEST anniversary gift I’ve EVER received. January 30th: Decision to make this a full year-long anniversary celebration. February 12th February 14th February 18th Park City overnight date Moab, UT hiking trip Concert in Wendover Stay tuned… WaveRunner Date Horseback riding on the trails of Sundance Marriage Getaway, Aspen Grove, UT. I highly recommend these Marriage and Weekend Getaways. They are affordable, insightful and fun. Alaskan Cruise Las Vegas overnighter Stay tuned…January
February
KSL Channel 5 live interview of our 20th Anniversary Year Long Celebration. Woo hoo!
Dinner at Franck’s. French cuisine. Our third anniversary there. Kara’s a real foodie, a culinary genius and appreciates fine food like no one I know. She knows what all the fancy words on a menu means that no one else understands. It’s fun to listen to her describe how certain foods are made and the history of certain methods or techniques.
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December
2 Decades 240 Months 1,044 Weeks 7,305 Days 175,316 Hours 10,518,975 Minutes 631,138,519 Seconds And counting… And to think some fool said to me that my wife and I were “lucky” to have such a great marriage. Yeah, right. That’s what it is: “luck.” Luck my eye. Our great marriage is time put in, work done, study done, lessons learned, bad habits undone and good habits hard-won. Don’t you dare cheapen my kick-ass marriage by calling what we have CREATED “lucky.” Might as well call Warren Buffet’s wealth luck or Michael Jordan’s skill luck. But, if you call working your butts off to a commitment and never giving up “luck” then I wish you all the best luck in the world! Any of my clients who have done The GREAT Relationship Work can also well attest that their accomplishments had nothing to do with luck, but with choice, commitment, and LOTS of hard work. Their turn-arounds and transformations didn’t “just happen” and didn’t come cheap. Their relationships are GREAT because they were EARNED the hard way, the old way, the only way—doing the right work the right way and refusing to cut corners. Excellence only.20 Years is…
“Lucky” My Eye
Past Anniversaries
20th anniversary, anniversary, anniversary ideas, love affair, romance, valentine's day
GR Masters: Kristian and Rachel Anderson
Posted by Jonathan Sherman in >> Marriage Transformation,:: The Great Relationship Masters Project,Love/Romance | February 1, 2012
Not too shabby this… Kristian Anderson made this birthday video for his wife Rachel before he died of cancer. It went viral as did their story. I’ll let the vids tell their story better than I can…
Train Serenades Kristian and Rachel with “Marry Me” & Oprah Covers Medical Costs
Their Wedding Video
Kristian’s Funeral
I tip my hat to this wonderful couple who were in their short time in this life together truly GREAT Relationship Masters. Their reunion in the next life will be all the sweeter for both the joy and the suffering they experienced in this life. Peace and blessing to them.
Two Teens Answer “What Are Healthy or Unhealthy Relationships?”
Posted by Jonathan Sherman in >> Marriage Transformation,>> Parent Training,Abuse and Violence,GRQ? | January 25, 2012
Today I did a survey of local teen girls (at lunch today with my daughty and her bestie, both 15-years-old—a super small survey!) asking them, “How do you know when a relationship is healthy or unhealthy?”
See their answers below and please answer the following questions:
Q: 1. What do you tell your kids about distinguishing between healthy and unhealthy, safe/unsafe, good/bad relationships?
—OR—
Q: 2. What do you wish you knew as a teen that you know now?
—OR—
Q: 3: Do you agree with the girls’ answers? What would you add or change?
Healthy |
Unhealthy |
|
| “If you can work together.” | “Beating up verbally, emotionally or physically.” | |
| “Not fighting a lot.” | “Fear telling others about being abused. Afraid to reach out for help.” | |
| “Go out on dates weekly like you and mom. Reminds each other that you are still in love, and that you make time for each other.” | “Fearful.” | |
| “Can tell each other anything.” | “Gossip. Bad-mouthing partner to others behind her/his back.” | |
| “Need to have a good relationship with yourself. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.” | “If you don’t love yourself you might take out your own flaws on your partner.” | |
| “Accept who you are. You are made to be you and not someone else.” | ||
| “Use ‘I messages.’ We learned about those in Teen Living. They are a more respectful way to talk about your problems with each other.” | “When you use ‘You messages’ your partner feels attacked and they get defensive. | |
Q: 1. What do you tell your kids about distinguishing between healthy and unhealthy, safe/unsafe, good/bad relationships?
—OR—
Q: 2. What do you wish you knew as a teen that you know now?
—OR—
Q: 3: Do you agree with the girls’ answers? What would you add or change?
adolescents, advice, Communication, healthy relationships, Teens, unhealthy relationships
Practice Builders—Technology and Remote Counseling
Posted by Jonathan Sherman in For Professionals & Colleauges,Practice Builders,Pros & Colleagues | January 19, 2012
I wonder, I wonder, I wonder how technology will influence/change the nature of my field 10 years from now.
National and International
10 years ago I never would’ve had clients in these states: Arizona, California, Colorado, Illinois, Kentucky, Michigan, Missouri, New York, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia, Washington AND these countries: Afghanistan, Canada (Alberta and Ontario), England, Mexico, Nigeria, Norway, ALL of whom I’ve been able to work with from the comfort of my own office and that they’ve been able to work with me from the comfort of their own homes or offices.
“Continuity of Care” and “Client-Centered” Realized
In the past it was local or nothing. Now my clients can choose who they work with. They can have real “continuity of care” rather than hope they find a good therapist when they move (and as we know, most don’t make that transition to a new therapist successfully, and more than often drop out of counseling altogether). They no longer have to start over with someone new and tell their whole story fresh again. They have the freedom of continuing the work they began. And new clients from these places get to access who they want to work with. It is truly making it more and more client-centered, which is what we believe in this field, but sometimes isn’t realized. Technology is giving my clients more choice and with choice comes power.
I am truly grateful for amazing technology and ALL the brilliant minds that have come together to make this all so “easy.” Due props to all you awesome geeks and nerds out there!
client-centered, clients, continuity of care, private practice, technology
MLK Day “I Have a Dream” Activity
Posted by Jonathan Sherman in >> Self-Mastery,Abuse and Violence,Nonviolence and Peace | January 18, 2012
This is a simple activity you can do with your family, students or youth group. Most people have seen clips from Martin Luther King, Jr.’s “I Have a Dream Speech” but most haven’t actually seen/heard/read the full 17-minute speech.
- Inform participants that we will be watching the full “I Have a Dream” speech and that each person is to follow along with their handout of the speech and simply circle/underline any thoughts, concepts, ideas, principles or concepts that resonate with them that they find meaningful/interesting.
- Watch the speech.
- Process:
- Go around and have each person share 1-3 quotes/thoughts that were most meaningful to them.
- Encourage other members to share their thoughts on what others shared and add in your own ideas, too, but don’t take over the discussion or turn it into a lecture. Let the group carry the discussion.

Materials
- Copies of PDF Download of MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech and his “Letter from Birmingham Jail” for each participant.
- The full 17 minute “I Have a Dream” speech cued up and ready to watch (you can use the one embedded below and expand it to full screen.
- Pens/pencils for each participant.
MLK Related Items on MarriageEnvy.com
- PDF Download of MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech and his “Letter from Birmingham Jail” which I use as a handout for people to circle the ideas, thoughts, concepts and principles that relate to them the most, and then discuss and share after they watch:
- The above video.
- Blog Posts on Nonviolence and Peace referencing MLK
- “Be the Answer: Solutions to Bullying” school assembly and intervention program which incorporates MLK’s teachings.
I Have a Dream, Letter from Birmingham Jail, martin luther king, mlk, nonviolence, Peace
Thoughts on Nonviolence and MLK, Jr.’s Legacy
Posted by Jonathan Sherman in >> Self-Mastery,Nonviolence and Peace | January 16, 2012
Martin Luther King, Jr. Day is a more than a holiday to me, it is a Holy Day where I honor not only this great man, my hero, but even more importantly the principles he took a stand for. When I think of the people who have influenced not only my thinking, but who have shaped the nature of my soul and the “content of my character” it is Martin Luther King, Jr. and Mohandas K. Gandhi (whose work greatly influenced and inspired MLK’s work, and was one of MLK’s heroes). This is a holy day to me because the principles of nonviolence are sacred to me in my personal life and my professional work in ending abuse and violence and increasing peaceful, loving relationships at home, work, community and school (my “Be the Answer: Solutions to Bullying” school assembly and intervention program is largely influenced by MLK’s and Gandhi’s nonviolent movements).
Just a thought in regards to these discussions specifically as well as in relating to people in general: Believe the experiencer’s experience with a stance of curiosity rather than of pre-conceived ‘knowing’. I believe this is a central part to truly understanding someone different from us, which is at the core of enacting nonviolence. I participated in a multi-racial group hosted by Darron Smith called “Colorblindness Is a Myth” where we discussed how racism continues to impact people of color, especially blacks. The salient point arose of people speaking for others experience, like a white person saying, “I understand” about a black person’s experience with racism, which can stir feelings of frustration. I was invited to participate in the group for my perspectives and ability to bring balance and shared perspective in the midst of seemingly opposing views. So I shared with the group the concept of maintaining a “stance of curiosity” and “believing the experiencer’s experience” as it is. This is a relevant skill generally in my work and in life and was specifically relevant in this group here: How can I as a white man fully know the black experience? I cannot. But I can listen and believe and have my awareness expanded and even challenged. Over the years, I have heard my brothers and sisters of all races speak for other races experience as if they could know. How can this be done accurately? I don’t know if it can. Rarely does the other side feel accurately represented or understood. All I can do is learn. If I cannot fully understand through experience, I can simply believe the experience of others—that their experience is real. Why would I need to argue with one’s experience? Fortunately, I don’t. I have found in my work as a therapist working with so many from so many different backgrounds and experiences that my most effective stance is gettting comfortable with being in a state of not-knowing and embracing curiosity. It is only then that I am able to learn what is possible for me to learn.
MLK Related Items on MarriageEnvy.com
- MLK “I Have a Dream” Activity perfect for a family night, your students or youth group.
- PDF Download of MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech and his “Letter from Birmingham Jail” which I use as a handout for people to circle the ideas, thoughts, concepts and principles that relate to them the most, and then discuss and share after they watch:
- The full 17 minute “I Have a Dream” speech given at the Lincoln Memorial
- Blog Posts on Nonviolence and Peace referencing MLK
- “Be the Answer: Solutions to Bullying” school assembly and intervention program which incorporates MLK’s teachings.
- MLK “I Have a Dream” Activity perfect for a family night, your students or youth group.
- PDF Download of MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech and his “Letter from Birmingham Jail” which I use as a handout for people to circle the ideas, thoughts, concepts and principles that relate to them the most, and then discuss and share after they watch:
- The full 17 minute “I Have a Dream” speech given at the Lincoln Memorial
- Blog Posts on Nonviolence and Peace referencing MLK
- “Be the Answer: Solutions to Bullying” school assembly and intervention program which incorporates MLK’s teachings.
So, thank you Darron for opening this forum for me to learn.
A black gentleman in the group who was good at challenging our thinking, and whom I greatly respect, told me, “Methinks you are of John Brown’s ilk. John Brown is one of my favorite ‘war heroes,’ even a paragon for any white involvement for the destruction of white supremacy. John Brown’s actions, that is to say, have demonstrated to me that John Brown would’ve done anything—by any means necessary—to destroy the pernicious reality of white supremacy [including violence]. And NOT only John Brown, but his white comrades/cohorts John Henry Kagi, Owen Brown, and Edwin Coppock—all white, courageous men who have been men of ACTION. Indeed, my children will remember the brotherhood that these aforementioned white men have exemplified at Harper’s Ferry. At any rate, I try to take this selfsame approach, even as it pertains to the homophobia/heterosexism, sexism, agesim, and ableism within myself. Also, methinks that without first removing any beam within my very own eye(s), I will NOT perceive reality as I ought, including, but not limited to, perceiving the mote that is within another’s eyes.”
I replied to him, “Beam/mote. So true. A stance of curiosity keeps me more fully rooted in owning my own perceptions (beam) vs. trying to “correct” others perceptions (mote). I am humbled if you think I am of John Brown’s ilk. Thank you. I have given thought to some of your comments and our discussion that have stuck in my mind regarding violence/nonviolence. I feel I need to be forthright about my strengths and weaknesses here. I strive to be the man that follows the noble, and yes even practical, examples of Gandhi, MLK, and Christ. Yet, I know I have a violent man inside of me as well that would have no problem pulling my shotgun on any intruder of my home. I don’t know who said it, but he said, “Every man is made up of two men: the man he is and the man he wants to be.” Anciently these two sides I experience have been depicted as the Taoist ying yang or in the scriptures as the natural man and the spiritual man. These two sides are not easy to reconcile. I’m sure I am not alone in this.
“I do not want to come across on these posts as one who has tamed my shadow self (as Carl Jung would call it) fully nor do I now if I ever will. I do think I would rise up in violence without a second thought to protect any member of my family—I have felt it strongly within myself and without shame. Yet, do I still at the same time embrace as dear to my heart all that nonviolence espouses as I have seen it enrich my life and those I serve so much? Yes. Is this a contradiction? Yes. Is there hypocrisy there? Maybe. All I can say in my defense (not that I need a defense here, do I, since it is only I who am charging myself!) is to repeat the great quote by Walt Whitman: “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.” (I love his blatant confidence and cockiness and even moreso the truth in those words). So in my own confidence of nonviolence as a powerful and correct stance, I recognize my own internal conflict. Just think it’s fair to put that in the open.
Is nonviolence truly practical and relevant today, or has it been watered down?
The afore-mentioned gentleman responded, “I do understand. But I am still persuaded that this notion of ‘nonviolence’ to which you refer has been co-opted by the powers that be, even to strategically pacify the indignation of the masses, especially black folk, strategically. Hence, I am exceedingly suspicious of it. For one, ‘nonviolence’ is certainly not biblical.”
I replied as follows: “I understand the suspicion of nonviolence. Gandhi and MLK had many detractors and skeptics among their own ranks and spent a LOT of time and energy persuading their followers and their enemies (ie “the powers that be”) that not only was their radical approach noble but even more importantly it was highly potent and effective.
“But not biblical?! Really? Maybe not the Old Testament but the New Testament is chock-full of Jesus preaching, among many other teachings of peace and nonviolent approaches, the following:
“For all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword.”
—Jesus, Matthew 26:52, The New Testament
and
“Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also. And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away. Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”
—Jesus, Matthew 5:38-44, The New Testament
That IS nonviolence and the core of MLK’s beliefs as a devout Christian and brilliant preacher. MLK took nonviolence as his central tenant—it was a core strategy, not ancillary. His writings are replete with example after example, urging after urging for people to understand the true nature of nonviolence as the most effective and moral form of resistance. His arguments for nonviolence to which he refers are extremely convincing based in the most profound reasoning. To believe that MLK was following a co-opted “notion of ‘nonviolence’” by the powers that be would be both laughable and offensive to his legacy. If any here have not read the body of his work I highly recommend it to all (The Martin Luther King Papers Project has it all: http://mlk-kpp01.stanford.
Nonviolence most certainly is biblical to the very core of Christ’s teachings. Christ’s ancient teachings were the very core of MLK’s beliefs. Gandhi’s modern day model of nonviolence also was not co-opted by the powers that be but was uniquely his and owned by the “rabble” of the powers that weren’t. Gandhi’s model was the model for MLK’s nonviolent movement of which he openly gave Gandhi credit for. This is the nonviolence (not “nonviolence” in belittling quotation marks) of which I refer.
Bottom line: Whether “nonviolence” is currently being co-opted by the powers that be or not that is by no means what I refer to. I hope that is very clear. If it is being co-opted though, then that is all the more reason for us to FULLY own the true nonviolence that is the legacy of the truly great who have come before us—those who showed us by example vs. rhetoric how to enact real change through powerfully nonviolent means. They have given us the legacy to use it not squander it.
How is nonviolence accomplished?
“In any nonviolent campaign there are four basic steps: collection of the facts to determine whether injustices exist; negotiation; self purification; and direct action.”
—Martin Luther King, Jr., “Letter from Birmingham Jail”
It is the self-purification step that is tremendously profound. I have read and re-read this letter and each time (as I’m re-reading it now) I am moved both by his emotion, passion and suffering as I am by his brilliant intellect and pure reason.
”Nonviolent direct action seeks to create such a crisis and foster such a tension that a community which has constantly refused to negotiate is forced to confront the issue. It seeks so to dramatize the issue that it can no longer be ignored. My citing the creation of tension as part of the work of the nonviolent resister may sound rather shocking. But I must confess that I am not afraid of the word “tension.” I have earnestly opposed violent tension, but there is a type of constructive, nonviolent tension which is necessary for growth. Just as Socrates felt that it was necessary to create a tension in the mind so that individuals could rise from the bondage of myths and half truths to the unfettered realm of creative analysis and objective appraisal, so must we see the need for nonviolent gadflies to create the kind of tension in society that will help men rise from the dark depths of prejudice and racism to the majestic heights of understanding and brotherhood. ”
—Martin Luther King, Jr., “Letter from Birmingham Jail”
Amen! Amen! Amen! Let’s see the powers that be co-opt that! Go MLK! Darron’s group and the gentleman I mentioned above were both good at creating a “tension in the mind” via the “Colorblindness Is a Myth” group disucssion forum and the points they brought out. I respect them both greatly for that.
More from the Letter from Birmingham Jail
I’m reading the whole Letter from Birmingham Jail again and man oh man does it inspire. Brilliant. I submit it’s one of the most profound documents every to be in print. Here’s a link to it as a PDF if anyone wants to read it. http://mlk-kpp01.stanford.
“If his repressed emotions are not released in nonviolent ways, they will seek expression through violence; this is not a threat but a fact of history. So I have not said to my people: “Get rid of your discontent.” Rather, I have tried to say that this normal and healthy discontent can be channeled into the creative outlet of nonviolent direct action. And now this approach is being termed extremist. But though I was initially disappointed at being categorized as an extremist, as I continued to think about the matter I gradually gained a measure of satisfaction from the label. Was not Jesus an extremist for love: “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” Was not Amos an extremist for justice: “Let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like an ever flowing stream.” Was not Paul an extremist for the Christian gospel: “I bear in my body the marks of the Lord Jesus.” Was not Martin Luther an extremist: “Here I stand; I cannot do otherwise, so help me God.” And John Bunyan: “I will stay in jail to the end of my days before I make a butchery of my conscience.” And Abraham Lincoln: ”This nation cannot survive half slave and half free.” And Thomas Jefferson: “We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal . . .” So the question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we will be. Will we be extremists for hate or for love?”
—Martin Luther King, Jr., “Letter from Birmingham Jail”
Contrary to the doctrine of “by any means necessary” to create social justice, MLK stated emphatically,
“Over the past few years I have consistently preached that nonviolence demands that the means we use must be as pure as the ends we seek. I have tried to make clear that it is wrong to use immoral means to attain moral ends.”
—Martin Luther King, Jr., “Letter from Birmingham Jail”
And the following quote has proven prophetic in the very fact that today we celebrate this man and all those associated with the Civil Rights Movement. Whether the South gets this or not I don’t know, but the very people he named as heroes are seen as heroes by the entire world and not just the South:
“One day the South will recognize its real heroes. They will be the James Merediths, with the noble sense of purpose that enables them to face jeering and hostile mobs, and with the agonizing loneliness that characterizes the life of the pioneer. They will be old, oppressed, battered Negro women, symbolized in a seventy two year old woman in Montgomery, Alabama, who rose up with a sense of dignity and with her people decided not to ride segregated buses, and who responded with ungrammatical profundity to one who inquired about her weariness: “My feets is tired, but my soul is at rest.” They will be the young high school and college students, the young ministers of the gospel and a host of their elders, courageously and nonviolently sitting in at lunch counters and willingly going to jail for conscience’ sake. One day the South will know that when these disinherited children of God sat down at lunch counters, they were in reality standing up for what is best in the American dream and for the most sacred values in our Judaeo Christian heritage, thereby bringing our nation back to those great wells of democracy which were dug deep by the founding fathers in their formulation of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence.”
—Martin Luther King, Jr., “Letter from Birmingham Jail”
conflict, Conflict Resolution, I Have a Dream, Letter from Birmingham Jail, martin luther king, mlk, nonviolence, Peace
Clergy: Measure Progress, Expect Outcomes
Posted by Jonathan Sherman in Clergy Resources | January 13, 2012Bishop/Clergy Member,
I won’t pretend that I have a “simple and easy 10-step plan” that will save all marriages. Some can’t be, some won’t be, and quite frankly, some shouldn’t be. The sad current reality is represented in these grim statistics surrounding marriage and divorce: 50% divorce rate for first marriages, 65% divorce rate for second marriages, and only 25% of those who are married report being happily so. However, the good news is, the GREAT news is, that 85.6% of my couples not only stabilize and save their marriages but most report a better marriage than they ever thought possible (I track outcomes post-termination with follow-ups at 6 months, 12 months, 18 months and three years). I love my job!
I cannot and will not take full credit for this success. There are many factors that conspire synergistically to create successful outcomes:
- Yes, my skill, training, education, experience, and expertise are an important factor. While I do not desire to boast, I will not feign false modesty—I do know my game and I know it well.
- Couples who are supported and referred by their Bishops tend to take their counseling more seriously and are more willing to use their testimonies in the process of changing their hearts, leanring new skills, and correcting their behaviors. Further, I believe I am correct in my understanding here, that through your support and encouragement of them working on their marriage, they fall under your mantle.
- I believe and take full advantage of Christ’s promise that “Where two are three are gathered in my name, there will I be also in their midst” get correct quote…
- There is the power of the promises the General Authorities have given us on marriage
- Then there is the power of their own agency to choose to engage in this work to create a truly united and loving marriage. To choose to be fully accountable to their own testimonies. To choose to be guided by faith even in the midst of seeming impossible odds, in the midst of what appears to be no reason to hope.
- Many of the members I have been blessed to work with have strong testimonies of the principles of the Gospel, but struggle in the translation of those truths into specific application in the stresses of daily life in real-life scenarios. That’s where I come in. My work is based on the foundational principles of the Gospel, with the training as a marriage and family therapist I am able to provide your members with the practical application they so desperately seek.
When all of these forces are combined it is hard, near impossible, for the Adversary to prevail. I inform my clients that if they are willing to show up and do the work that they will get better. They do. The outcomes at certain point become a forgone conclusion. It does become predictable.
Clergy: My Commitment to You and Your Members—Get Results or I’ll Fire Myself
Posted by Jonathan Sherman in Clergy Resources | January 13, 2012More walk, less talk
I will never continue working with clients who aren’t committed to the work and making progress. Time, money and energy are precious resources that treat as such, especially when a client’s fee is being supported by sacred funds. Some clergy have understandably been concerned about what they’ve witnessed with some counselors and some clients where it seems they are just talking but nothing gets accomplished and therapy becomes an open-ended, vague process that more and more funding is going into.
A pragmatic approach
I want you to know that quite frankly open-ended and vague is simply a bad business model. Besides being a therapist I am a businessman—I run a successful private practice, consulting and speaking business with clients all over the world. So, clients who just limp along with a passive counselor are not good for business and not a good investment of your sacred funds and certainly not effective for your members. Keeping clients longer just so I can bill them longer is actually bad for cash flow—so I don’t do it. Clients who make progress are good for my business which runs mostly on word-of-mouth marketing. Those are the clients who refer their loved ones to me—because we get results. A steady stream of clients who are actively participating in a results-oriented process get better and terminate counseling and because of their positive experience end up over time referring anywhere from 3-10 loved ones. That steady stream of clients achieving successful outcomes great for cash flow. Thus, you can see that in addition to my professional, spiritual and ethical commitment to helping my clients, I am highly motivated that my clients make progress and achieve results out of pure and simple self-interest

