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Category Archives: Abuse and Violence
Jason Williams, LMFT on Helping Your Kids with Bullying
Posted by Jonathan Sherman in >> Parent Training,Abuse and Violence,Bullying | February 29, 2012
My colleague, dear friend and hands down one of THE single best therapists I’ve ever known, Jason Williams, LMFT (www.associatedpsych.com) gives some great advice on how to teach your children how to handle bullies. Watch the interview here. Jason and I struggled through grad school together, commuted to and worked at Valley Mental Health together, presented many workshops together and began our dreams of private practice together. He’s a fine man and a gifted therapist. Enjoy.
Domestic violence (DV) is a serious issue that affects many adults and children and it has a tremendous societal impact as well. While there is so much to be said and done about DV, which I won’t attempt to cover all here, I want to share the following with you to spread some awareness, share some info and give some ideas.
My Son Adam’s Eagle Scout Project: Women’s Shelter Supply Drive
For his Eagle Scout project my son is doing a supply drive for our local women’s shelter The Center for Women and Children in Crisis.
See his flyer here about the project and some facts and info about DV .
FREE Workshop: Broken Hearts: Ending Violence, Healing Our Truth
Tuesday, March 13th from 7:00-8:30 pm at the Chainbreaker Foundation
10 Alarming Facts About How Domestic Violence Impacts Kids
See more here on the Makers of Memories site: Ten Alarming Domestic Violence Statistics
An interesting Facebook thread on DV
Some thoughts on the dynamics and over-lapping issues of divorcing parents, time-sharing, co-parenting, parental rights and domestic violence from a recent Facebook post and comments:
I posted the following on Facebook
Some of you know that I taught the Shared Parenting Class for Divorcing Parents for the State of Utah for over 10 years. Important class as it was designed to reduce conflict in divorce and increase cooperative parenting which has a much better impact on the children who sadly who are too caught in the middle.
Well, tomorrow Utah is voting on HB 107 to improve more shared parenting among fathers and mothers instead of just defaulting to mothers. I am very pro for this for most situations, especially as fathers over the past few decades are engaging more actively in their role as fathers (so glad to see that!). Just so long as women who are fleeing domestic violence/child abuse are fully protected. I know there are always exceptions where children may be better served with one parent over the other or actually out of the custody of either parent in extreme situations and I will always advocate against domestic violence and child abuse situations.
I counseled a woman STRONGLY to not move out of state with her new husband so that her children could have access to their father who was active in their lives (nurturing man, non-abusive). Sadly, she ignored that counsel and minimized how important their father was in their lives. That was 3 years ago and lots of unnecessary conflict and grief has since ensued with the children being the ones who pay the highest price.
For years I have advocated for time-sharing plans that allow the children to have access to both parents as much as possible rather than one parent “winning” the children.
HB 107 is coming up for vote tomorrow and I encourage you to look into it and do what you think best. You can call your Utah State Representative and insist they vote “Yes” for H.B. 107 sponsored by Representative Gage Froerer.
Thanks for listening.
One mother commented:
When my kids dad and I divorced, we worked out a “nesting plan” where the kids would stay in place and we would go back and forth. That put the burden on us to communicate and to work together and it minimized the impact on our 5 kids.
My reply:
Wow, that’s wonderful! I’ve heard of families doing that and I have even encouraged that, however, few seem to have the maturity/civility to pull that off. Color me impressed. Good for you and good for your kids.
A domestic violence advocate brought up this important concern:
The Utah Domestic Violence Councils opposes this bill as it allows an abusive spouse to further control the victim through the court system. As far as I know, the bill as written does not protect a victim and the children in a domestic violence situation. It is also good to remember that many times, for many reasons, there are not police reports or other documentation of abuse so the courts may not acknowledge the abuse and therefore place kids in a dangerous situations. I am all for dad’s rights, but this bills need some major changes.
A father shared this:
I don’t see one post/website anywhere on the Internet that shows The Utah Domestic Violence Council opposes the bill. Would you be so kind as to provide that link? I’ve read H.B. 107. I’m a caring, loving parent that wants to protect not only my children, but create a better world for others as well. The fact is, HB 107 DOES NOT place kids in dangerous situations. It empowers the court to PRESUME joint custody, doesn’t force the Court to order it! It allows a parent/party, including the State, to rebut the presumption of joint custody in favor of sole custody. Here’s the link to H.B. 107, if there is a place where it puts kids in harms way please let me know. I don’t believe it does: http://le.utah.gov/~2012/
bills/hbillint/hb0107.htm
Two Teens Answer “What Are Healthy or Unhealthy Relationships?”
Posted by Jonathan Sherman in >> Marriage Transformation,>> Parent Training,Abuse and Violence,GRQ? | January 25, 2012
Today I did a survey of local teen girls (at lunch today with my daughty and her bestie, both 15-years-old—a super small survey!) asking them, “How do you know when a relationship is healthy or unhealthy?”
See their answers below and please answer the following questions:
Q: 1. What do you tell your kids about distinguishing between healthy and unhealthy, safe/unsafe, good/bad relationships?
—OR—
Q: 2. What do you wish you knew as a teen that you know now?
—OR—
Q: 3: Do you agree with the girls’ answers? What would you add or change?
Healthy |
Unhealthy |
|
| “If you can work together.” | “Beating up verbally, emotionally or physically.” | |
| “Not fighting a lot.” | “Fear telling others about being abused. Afraid to reach out for help.” | |
| “Go out on dates weekly like you and mom. Reminds each other that you are still in love, and that you make time for each other.” | “Fearful.” | |
| “Can tell each other anything.” | “Gossip. Bad-mouthing partner to others behind her/his back.” | |
| “Need to have a good relationship with yourself. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.” | “If you don’t love yourself you might take out your own flaws on your partner.” | |
| “Accept who you are. You are made to be you and not someone else.” | ||
| “Use ‘I messages.’ We learned about those in Teen Living. They are a more respectful way to talk about your problems with each other.” | “When you use ‘You messages’ your partner feels attacked and they get defensive. | |
Q: 1. What do you tell your kids about distinguishing between healthy and unhealthy, safe/unsafe, good/bad relationships?
—OR—
Q: 2. What do you wish you knew as a teen that you know now?
—OR—
Q: 3: Do you agree with the girls’ answers? What would you add or change?
MLK Day “I Have a Dream” Activity
Posted by Jonathan Sherman in >> Self-Mastery,Abuse and Violence,Nonviolence and Peace | January 18, 2012
This is a simple activity you can do with your family, students or youth group. Most people have seen clips from Martin Luther King, Jr.’s “I Have a Dream Speech” but most haven’t actually seen/heard/read the full 17-minute speech.
- Inform participants that we will be watching the full “I Have a Dream” speech and that each person is to follow along with their handout of the speech and simply circle/underline any thoughts, concepts, ideas, principles or concepts that resonate with them that they find meaningful/interesting.
- Watch the speech.
- Process:
- Go around and have each person share 1-3 quotes/thoughts that were most meaningful to them.
- Encourage other members to share their thoughts on what others shared and add in your own ideas, too, but don’t take over the discussion or turn it into a lecture. Let the group carry the discussion.

Materials
- Copies of PDF Download of MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech and his “Letter from Birmingham Jail” for each participant.
- The full 17 minute “I Have a Dream” speech cued up and ready to watch (you can use the one embedded below and expand it to full screen.
- Pens/pencils for each participant.
MLK Related Items on MarriageEnvy.com
- PDF Download of MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech and his “Letter from Birmingham Jail” which I use as a handout for people to circle the ideas, thoughts, concepts and principles that relate to them the most, and then discuss and share after they watch:
- The above video.
- Blog Posts on Nonviolence and Peace referencing MLK
- “Be the Answer: Solutions to Bullying” school assembly and intervention program which incorporates MLK’s teachings.
