It was important then that she now how crazy, madly in love I was with her. That need to know the love of a parent never changes. That need to know one’s worth never leaves. I suspected (and hoped) she would keep this. However, I haven’t seen it since I mailed it and had forgotten about it completely until she just showed it to me. I don’t know if it means as much to her as it does to me or not, but she did keep it and I do know that she does knows she’ll never have to doubt how much her dad loves her.

This is just one of many, many, many letters, notes and drawings I’ve mailed and/or given to my kids over the years; many silly, some profound, and all communicate the same message: “You matter to me… A LOT! So much so that I took the time to think of you and to do this.” And kids keep these things. I know I did. My own mom was always leaving notes for us—some informative to let us know this or that, run this errand, take care of that thing; but all of them were also love letters to her children with opening lines like, “Dear One” or “Sonshine” and all ended in, “I love you so much,  Mother.” I have large stack of these in my files that I turn to every know and then. They have meant so much to me over the years to know that I was and am loved. And they mean even more to me now that my mother is gone (she passed away 15 years ago) that I still have this connection with her.

Years ago in a child development class I heard the following quote that crystalized how I feel about treating children in general and my children specfically, and it has become a part of my mission in life:

Every child needs someone who is crazy about him!
—Urie Bronfenbrenner

The above quote is actually a paraphrase of Dr. Urie Bronfenbrenner’s full quote,

Somebody’s got to be crazy about that kid, and vice versa! But what does “crazy” mean? It means that the adult in question regards this particular child as somehow special — even though objectively the adult may well know that this is not the case… For the child, the adult is also special — someone to whom the child turns most readily in trouble and in joy, and whose comings and goings are central to the child’s experience and wellbeing.
—Urie Bronfenbrenner

So this is one way of letting your kids know you are absolutely, crazy, nutso-gonzo about them. How do YOU let your kids know you love them? Please share your ideas and comments below. 

COMPLIMENTARY E-TICKETS

for ALL Utah Parents and Families to the

 “First Lady’s Parenting Conference and Expo”

on May 4^th and 5^th at the Salt Palace in Salt Lake City

Because of the strong and generous support of our community supporters and partners; we are able to extend complimentary tickets to the “First Lady’s Parenting Conference and Expo” to ALL parents and families who are interested in attending.  Please forward this to all your contacts and make the tickets available to as many as possible.

Remember the event will be held at the Salt Palace in Salt Lake City on May 4th and 5th. Here is the First Lady’s Conference Packet with detailed information along with a Complimentary e-ticket for each person attending.

All complimentary electronic tickets and printed tickets will be honored for admission and must be shown at the door.  Tickets shown on iPhones or electronically are acceptable for individuals, couples and families.  Please note that there will still be a charge of $10.00 at the door for those who do not get their tickets in advance, so please make sure everyone entering has a copy of the ticket.

We encourage you to post the Conference Packet on your school and organization website.  It is the desire and goal of the First Lady of Utah, Jeanette Herbert and her “Uplift Utah Families” Board and Task Force, that this conference reach as many Utah families as possible.

Please note that the Conference portion is for parents and adults only, while the Expo and Car Exhibit are open to the entire family.

Thank you,

Steve James
Executive Director
Uplift Utah Families
Initiative of the First Lady of Utah
801.243.4004
steve@somethinggoodinc.com

The benefits are simple and important: The writer is able to reflect on the good qualities of that person and the recipient gets to feel great and appreciated. It’s a quick, simple, yet meaningful, way to feel connected and to further solidify the family bond and loyalty to one another. It’s also interesting and fun to find out what each other notices about each other.

So today, I did one on myself as dad and one for the kids mom. Here’s what we learned about each other from our kids.

“Hey Kids: Your Dad Is…”

• From my daughter (14): “something, funny, goofy, dorky, ‘smrat’, Jonathin/Jonafat, creative.”
• From my son (16): “interesting, a good drawer, cool, a good sword fighter, good at helping with problems.”
• From my daughter (11): “strange, funny, smart, creative and helpful.”
• From my son (9): “smart, funny, weird, awesome.”

“All About Mom: Mom Is…”

• 16: “good food and laundry–he he–just kidding but really too, loving, caring, funny, a good dancer, can make my friends laugh.”
• 14: “she’s prettyyyyyy :), silly , a good cook, good at shopping, distracted a lot, goofy, loving”
• 11: “funny, nice, pretty, loving, dog loving, sweet, good cook.”
• 9: “she calls dad ‘Pootie’, she’s pretty, funny, likes ‘bunnies’, best food ever!”

I don’t know anyone who tires of hearing nice things said about them. You just can’t over-appreciate someone, folks.

Give it a try and share how it goes for ya.

— For more tips, strategies and resources for creating truly GREAT relationships with self and others visit http://JonathanSherman.net —

I’ll post the copies of the worksheets she and I came up with together and sometime I’ll describe the process in greater depth. For now, let me just share: She felt empowered! I love being able to help my children navigate the tricky waters of life.

Dads, do your kids KNOW that you love them? Years ago, before I had children I was taught this quote by a pioneer in the field of child development, Urie Brofenbrenner:

“Every child deserves at least one adult who is absolutely crazy about them.”

Amen! We, as fathers, are uniquely poised to be that one to provide our children with the love and protection that only we can provide and that they so desperately crave and deserve.

Today, and frequently, I’ll find simple verbal and non-verbal ways to let them know they are loved by their father. For example, today in church I passed the above sheet around to the fam with the simple beginning sentence string of “Em is…”

The lower left hand section are her answers:

“…freakin’ awesome …smart …different …musical …spazzy …cool …nice …unique …funny”

This is the self-concept I am pleased to see a 13-year-old young woman develop as she prepares to enter adulthood.

This was my answer:

“…my DEAR daughter whom I love, am proud of, makes me laugh, is talented, bright, is AMAZING to me, is lovely in every sense of the word, and is the joy of my life!!!”

Her mom wrote,

…has ticklish bunnies [inside joke], has a great sense of humor, is beautiful inside and out, talented in so many ways, a good friend, a good girl, and I love her!”

Her siblings added a few extra nice and silly things as well.

How likely do you think a young woman with this kind of self-concept is likely to put up with being treated poorly by a guy? How confident do you think she’ll feel to try new things? Will she have a place of internal security and refuge to turn to with this sense of self when she goes through the dark times of self-doubt that besiege us in this life?

As you can see, it’s a lot more than just a little activity to keep us occupied during a church meeting. As they face a difficult world that often doesn’t make sense how crucial it is to hear, and to KNOW, that the most significant and powerful man in their lives is “absolutely crazy about them”.

This knowing creates a sense of security and identity that will protect them through all their life’s struggles in a way no other force can. Without that powerful knowlege, insecurity and a weak sense of self flourish.

Dads, you are needed. You need to be powerful in your children’s lives. They need to daily know of, and see, your love for them. It can be as simple as many sincere, simple and silly little methods as the one above.

So to the great dads out there, and to the ones who are turning it around, I wish you a Happy Fathers Day. Let them KNOW of your love for them. Don’t ration it out. Flood them with it.

— For more tips, strategies and resources for creating truly GREAT relationships with self and others visit http://rel8gr8.com —