Category Archives: Just Plain Silly

Author: Unknown. Source: Emailed by my buddy’s wife.

(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says “Thanks a lot” – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say “you’re welcome.” That will bring on a “whatever”).

(8) Whatever : Is a woman’s way of saying…drop dead.

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

Friends, I am still astounded (even though I should know better) when I hear some men use the “argument”, “Because I’m the man” to get their way and to exert control over their partners. That this still continues in this day and age is really amazing… and pathetic. Yet it does still and it takes all my professional training to keep from… Well, I won’t say.

Fortunately, there are many men who have long ago rejected that worn-out oppressive model. I am grateful that my best friends treat their wives with all the respect they deserve, defer to them, adore and respect them. I am also surrounded by many good men in my neighborhood and church who feel the same way. The thought of using the “because I’m the man” to them would equal what we abhorrently call in our church “unrighteous dominion.” So thankfully, most of the men I know are good, kind, caring men.

Personally, I first learned what it meant to really be a man from my step-father in a way that has made me proud to the kind of man that my dear wife and children love, admire and respect. Instead of learning a sense of entitlement “because I’m the man” I learned a sense of duty as follows:

Thanks to my step-father’s example in my house growing up “Because I’m the man…” meant: 

• Being responsible to provide for his family;
• Believing that being a man of God = bowing in humble service to his wife;
• Serving my mom/his wife in countless ways: loving us kids, washing the dishes, cooking meals, etc. I loved my mom so incredibly dearly and to have a man enter our lives who also loved her, admired her and respected her just as much made me love him all the more;
• Doing many fun, romantic, silly things for her, making up elaborate and often suggestive nicknames for her that made her giggle and exclaim, “Oh, George!”
• Praying and fasting for my sick mother night after night, year after year with great faith and earnestness, and ”mourning with her as she mourned”;
• Being willing to humble your stubbornness and admit when you’re wrong;
• Being willing to seek help and counsel;
• Being attracted to a strong woman (such as my dad to my mother, and me to my wife) and allowing them to help you become a stronger man;
• Being a true partner, a true helpmeet;
• That true strength didn’t come from pride and ego but from humility and compassion;
• Keeping his faith even in spite of trial after trial after trial after trial after trial…
• Affair- and divorcing-proofing your marriage—most female clients I’ve had have stated time and time again that these are exactly the traits they’ve always wanted in their partner. Further, if they had left their partner it was often because of the absence of these traits;
• Showing his son how to fix things both around the house, under the car and in the heart;
• Being patient, compassionate and understanding when his 16-year-old son (me) crashes the car two-weeks after getting his license. And then regaling his son and his friends (who were scared I was “going to get it!”) with all the funny, crazy and idiotic things he did with vehicles as a youth.

That’s what it meant to be the man in my home growing up. And I’m trying to make sure that’s what it means to my kids in their home now.

PS: Years ago a friend shared, “I’m the Man” from the Bob and Tom show with me. It’s a fun play on the juxtaposition from the old school to the new school relationship between men and women. I play this at some of my workshops as an ice-breaker. Great stuff:

Ever wonder what an ADHD professional who works on his own does when he gets distracted off task? Well, naturally, he makes torches in preparation for the Zombie Apocalypse. Duh!

Build Your Own!

Instructions

1. Wick: Find some old clothes that you would normally throw away. This is how it all started–I was on task with putting laundry away when I found a tattered pair of jeans and a ripped dress shirt… The torches above use one half of a pair of jeans and one full dress shirt.
2. Handle: Get 2′ to 3′ long sticks (save old broom handles as any handyman/tinkerer can tell you they are handy for many projects). The ones pictured are 3′ long. I prefer the longer length for the following reasons: a. Keeps fire (and dripping torch pieces) away from my hands; b. Ability to wave in a cool arc from side to side for greater visibility as well as for the cool whooshing torch on fire sound; and c. The better to whack away zombies with.
3. Fastener: I wrapped these with bailing wire so when they burn down the criss-crossing wire will act like a cage to hold the torch together as long as possible. I then wrap the ends of the wire around a small nail so as I’m whipping the torch to and fro the torch head won’t fly off. Yeah, smart thinking, I know.
4. Fuel: Either soak them in melted wax ahead of time or douse them in kerosine or gasoline when the time comes. The wax method is preferable as they are completely ready before hand and won’t use valuable fuel. Also, the wax method makes them waterproof.
5. Voila! Defend your home, light the way, have fun.

You can ‘dis ADHD as being a “deficit” and a “disorder” all you like, but when the zombies attack you’ll be calling on me for extra torches! People often feel bad about having ADHD. Not me. They ask, what are the upsides of ADHD. Plenty and many. There are as many (and more) upsides to ADHD than there are downsides in both my personal and professional experience. I’ll address this later in a more serious-minded post… Stay tuned…

All joking and fun aside, torches are a simple and practical emergency preparedness item. However, preparing for a Zombie Apocalypse is more funner than preparing for a temporary power outage.